elysiumOnce I die (of extremely old age) I, for one, don’t plan on leaving my body around waiting for the zombie apocalypse to happen. Once you’re cremated there’s like a 0.000098% chance that there’s enough of you left to reanimate as a zombie. The questions is, what do you have done with your ashes once you’ve been cremated.

For instance, Johnny Depp plans on having his cremated remains mixed into a cask of whiskey and letting everyone take a drink of it. That sounds cool and all but I’m more of a wine cooler guy myself. Hunter S. Thompson had his ashes fired out of a cannon during a fireworks show.

But they’re eccentric celebrities. What about us normal folk? Well, thanks to Elysium Space, for $1,990 you can have your remains (or at least part of them) shot into space with a whole bunch of other people and put into low Earth orbit. The spacecraft then “respectfully and peacefully orbits the Earth for several months” before plummeting back to Earth in a fireball of rage. I may have made the rage part up.

There’s even an app that your loved ones can use to track where in orbit your remains are at any given time.

We exclusively contract with the most reliable commercial space transportation companies. Our spacecrafts are launched along with prime commercial and scientific satellites. Launches take place in the United States at the Cape Canaveral launch facility in Florida. This fantastic and unique event will be webcasted and we will provide a professionally produced video as well. Moreover, participants are welcome to join us at the launch viewing event and celebrate while watching the rocket reach the final frontier. All memorial spaceflights include a service guarantee: in case of failure, we will reschedule your flight to our next launch opportunity at no additional cost.

Who’s with me? I’m going to contact them and see if there would be any extra cost for playing David Bowie’s ‘Space Oddity’ loud enough for it to be heard faintly as the capsule flies overhead.

Posted by James Poling

A socialist, tinkerer, thinker, question asker and all around curiosity seeker. If you'd like to reach me you can use the contact link above or email me at jamespoling [at] gmail [dot] com.

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