The ‘Swiss Cheese Pervert’ is terrorizing Philadelphia with Swiss cheese and his tiny penis

This story might be the most perfectly literal use of the phrase, “You just can’t make this stuff up.”

The Mayfair area of Philadelphia is being terrorized by a man driving around town, pulling up to women and exposing his genitals. He then offers them money to watch him put the Swiss cheese on his privates. Wat? No, seriously.

Mayfair Town Watch posted this on their Facebook page:

Good Morning Mayfair! Please be aware of the Swiss Cheese Pervert! This individual is driving around surrounding communities and exposes himself to women. He offers them money to watch him put swiss cheese on his privates. He is a white, heavy set male, 40-50 years old. He drives a newer model silver sedan. He was also spotted in a black newer model sedan. If you see this guy, don’t confront him. Get his plate number and call 911 immediately!!! We have passed all the information to the 15th PD.

Can you even imagine the blending of smells that combination must inspire. I just threw up in my mouth a little.